Dizzy *TRIGGER WARNING*

This was submitted to the site by someone titled: A. Thank you, A. Please be advised this may be triggering.

*****

Everything is dizzy.
And that is good.
Dizzy is good.
Dizzy means a good night,
Right?

Dizzy but not gone,
Because I want to have fun-
I want to play games
And kiss boys
I want to playboy,
And kiss games.

Maybe too dizzy?
I can slow down.
S  l  o  w      d  o  w  n.

Flip cup.
Flip
Flip
Flip
Cup.
Cup.
Cup.
Drink
Drink
Drink

Kiss.

He’s nice.
I’m dizzy.

He’s dizzy.
I’m nice.

I smile.
I stumble.
Do parties have water?
No, they have doors.
Doors, have air.

Fresh air.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Sit.
Breathe.
I’m not dizzy.

Inside.
Loud.
Dark.

He’s there.
Talking to them.
Looking for me.

Fear.
Why fear?
He’s nice.
Isn’t he nice?

He’s walking towards me.
Back up.
Am I still dizzy?
No,
There’s 3 guys.

“Come to the room,”
He says.
Hesitate.
Fear.
“okay,”
Stutter step.
Follow.

The door shuts.
A guy outside.
A guy inside.
And him.
Fear.

We kiss.
Isn’t he nice?
Wasn’t he nice?
Who is he?

He pushes me down
Resist.
“No!”
Undressed.
Tears.
Fear.

“No.
No.
No.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
I want you to stop.”

Pinned down.
Restrained
The guy watches the door,
The other watches us.

Nothing is spinning.
This is not dizzy.
This is not a good night.

It hurts.
Pain.
Blood.

He’s done.
He kisses my cheek.
He nibbles my ear.
Suddenly so gentle,
He thanks me.

Fear.
Get dressed.
Where are my friends?
My things?
I want to go home.

I want to be dizzy.
Dizzy means a good night,
Right?

-A

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