What I wished I said to her when I saw her, and what I probably won’t say to her next time I see her.

I don’t think the person will ever read this, but I’m angsty and teary-eyed so I needed to write it down.

I sometimes wish
I had the gall,
To walk out on people
The way they do to me.

I don’t want to believe,
That nothing lasts forever;
But so many people reinforce that
Every single day.

I can’t see you
And act like everything is fine
And just go home
And be okay.

I am rattled with guilt
And anger
At the fact that I was fake
And you had no clue

You walked out on me,
And just expect me to be fine?
It’s not fine,
It’s not okay.

It’s not alright
To just stop talking to me
And then expect me to want to be
Your best friend.

I’m not your best friend.
I may have been.
But I’m not anymore.
Because I can’t let people
Continually hurt me.

I need to look out for myself
And if separating from you means that.
Then watch me go.

And I’m sorry if this hurts you,
Because that has never been my intention
But I tried to be your friend.
I really did.

And you didn’t want it.
I’m not going to put in effort
For a person who does not care
When I have others around me who call
And check in.

It sucks really.
That you did this to me,
Because you just reinforced the fact
That people leave,
That they don’t care.

And I want to trust people
And know that I can love.
But I’m scarred by you
And the words you never said.

Because you never said anything
You just left
No explanation.
Nothing.

I’m lucky to have your family in my life,
Because even without you –
I can be close to them.
But I’m not going to let you be the next person to hurt me.

I am gonna hope that they last.
Because right now I believe that nothing lasts forever.
And it’s not just your fault –
But you definitely played a role.

I hope that you’re happy
Living your life
With your family and your friends,
And I hope you never forget the times that we had

Because having you as a friend
Was some of the best times of my life
And letting you go
Is one of the hardest things I’ve tried to do.

-cdk

 

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