A Mother’s First Thoughts After Giving Birth

I pushed and I pushed
And I cried
She’s hurting me
She’s been hurting me
Since the moment the stick said she was there.

But I wanted to remember this moment
So I put it on camera
And cried in anguish
And a little in joy.

I brought this life to the world.
No return, no refund.
I didn’t sign up for this.
She didn’t sign up for this.
It’s her fault,
She shouldn’t have come.

I don’t want another burden –
I can’t take care of another life.
But I’m holding her now,
And I see her blue eyes
And she coos,
And part of me falls in love
Most of me falls in hate.

I can’t raise another
I’m tired.
She’s hurting me,
Why couldn’t the cord stay wrapped
Around her neck?
She came into the world with cord around her neck
She’ll leave the same way.

I can’t protect her.
It was bad from the beginning.
It will be bad her entire life
Because I can’t protect her,
Nor do I want to.
And it will be bad her entire life.
Until the end.

-cdk

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2 thoughts on “A Mother’s First Thoughts After Giving Birth

  1. You’re a survivor, a warrior. Your existence is not your fault, and all the awful things that have happened aren’t either. You belong here as much as anyone else, and you are meant for better in your life, not always bad. Says me. You’re sunshine.

    Like

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