Terminal Platform

i used to stand on the terminal platform of terminal illness
and wish and pray that death would envelop me and put a stamp on me
and away i would be sent from life.

I wrote in my diary how I wished physical sick would take me away
from a world that won’t let me leave because of mental sick.

why can’t i just die
in a socially acceptable way?
Because if I die at my own hand
rather than the terminal platform
it is an insult.

I vowed I would never tell my secret
how I dreamed of the terminal platform
and I let it slip
and the train left
and I am standing here
dreaming of the end
and how to make it sooner