Not long after my first verbalization of wanting to kill myself
my dad sat me down and talked to me
not to encourage me, not to ensure that things would get better.
Instead he told me how important it was that I paid attention to what I said,
How the things I say have consequences for me… for him.
This lesson was told to me so that I wouldn’t speak of it.
And now I know maybe he was right.
Maybe I just shouldn’t say anything anymore.
And then when I need to go, I will.