No such thing as too much therapy… (shared from Discussing Dissociation)

Waterfalls are a beautiful metaphor for healing journeys. Are you feeling highly triggered right now? Is this a tough time of year for you? Is your system struggling, feeling dark, chaotic, and separated? Are you experiencing memories, flashbacks, nightmares, and other PTSD symptoms? For the dissociative survivor, the process of healing from severe and…

via 10 Steps for Doing Healing Work with Your DID System — Discussing Dissociation

When dysphoria stops you from living life

I was invited to a formal for my old softball team.
And the expected dress is clearly: Formal.

I haven’t gotten surgery yet,
I’ve made consultations but I’m not there yet.
And I have found that I’m in that awkward stage
where I don’t have the “formal” clothes that would make me comfortable.

I kinda want to go to the formal and see old pals.
I kinda don’t because I’ve changed so much…
I’m mostly afraid though because I don’t want to wear a dress.
I want to wear a suit.
I want a nice button down and a tie.
I want nice shoes and pants.
Maybe a vest.

Not that I don’t like wearing dresses sometimes I do.
I just don’t want to in this moment.
Genderqueer problems. I don’t know who or what I am,
I don’t fit in the black and white definition of gender.
I can’t wait until I can redo my wardrobe,
and get rid of the “women’s professional clothes.”
Replace them with clothing that makes me comfortable
and shows who I am.

I want to go to the formal,
and yet I’m afraid because I don’t want to be fake.
and I don’t have the clothes to feel real
And what if they don’t accept it?

And how do I explain that,
I still like dresses or skirts or whatever?
i just feel less comfortable, less myself.
My stomach has been dropping since I was invited.

Replace Fuck Bush with Fuck Trump: “Call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead”

“so if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
send me an IM, i’ll be your friend

shysters live from scheme to scheme and my 4th quarter pipe dreams
are seeming more and more worth fighting for
so i’ll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation
and i’ll say FUCK BUSH AND FUCK THIS WAR
my war paint is sharpie ink and i’ll show you how much my shit stinks
and ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful
they think we’re disposable, well both my thumbs opposable
are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score”

 

Brussel Sprouts

Avoidance is sometimes a choice.
A child’s repulsion at the smell of Brussel Sprouts,
pushing his plate away.
Geen mama, nee dank u

Politely he declines the Brussel Sprouts,
Justifiably, He’s lived in Brussels his whole life
Everybody knows that the sweets of Belgium
Lie in the waffles.

Avoidance sometimes is not a choice.
The movement of his friend while they play,
Suddenly scares him
And he shuts down.

waarom zal je niet met me spelen
his friend cries.
And so frightened, the boy is frozen.
He does not know, he cannot speak.

As I learn about my own avoidance,
I have to face the realities,
That while I avoid knowledgably
Most times I have to think hard.
Why am I frozen?

When you have been taught to avoid emotion
Taught to avoid experience,
It is hard to be present in the moment –
Because Life is about escape.

I want to avoid life.
I want to avoid feeling
I want to avoid breathing
I want to avoid being

And even talking about avoidance
Makes me want to avoid.
Some of this is choice,
Some of it is not.

And yet, now I have to make the choice
To Not avoid.
I happen to love Brussel sprouts.
If I can experience them – a small thing
Can I learn to experience the bigger things?

cdk

SUBMISSION *cp’s beautiful writing*

This one takes place..sitting near the Ocean with a cup of coffee..early…In the wee hors of the morn…..
Love doing this
Unmistakable ..
In Gods presence…

Up at the wee hours
Minutes before the dawn
I thank God always for these moments,often…
The sound of the Ocean waves crashing onto the shore

AWESOME..peaceful..and private.

I do not have a picture
I have only the sound
Grateful and humbled
By his glorious gracious abound…
C.P.

SUBMISSION – Aisle 15

Long time no hear from our frequent contributor! Glad to have you back!
I saw her in The Frozen foods
and I knew…
I knew because I have seen it before….
I had been there in the midst of the confusion..the loss..recognition..and then
bam….into the abyss one would retreat to…… by the hand that god had dealt to her…..
I recognized the situation….

There was Nothing I could do
So prayed for you both on my way home..
My post…..
It goes something like this…

She will be there for you
When she is in her right mind.
Thinking you had already lost her…
She will be herself again…at a time when you need her…..
As best she can…
Maybe when you least expect it…..
( no one suspected that she could possibly or would again )
Connecting..reconnecting
No confusion in sight.. as clear as a bell..
Like time had erased…time
She will be there….

To the Lady and Her mother in the grocery store……
In Aisle 15…

C.P.